Haters

I understand living in the past isn't healthy.

But there are things i will never forget.
Things that hurt me then, and still hurt me now.

They impacted my life to an extent and i just cant "forgive and forget" for there is no way to just "let it go."
As much as i want to forget, its seared in my brain for a lifetime of trust issues, pain, etc...
But the thing is, im STRONGER then i once was.  And i will stand TALLER then the haters.

Regrets...

People always say that they never regret something that they have done or said. But the chances are, they do.

Life is full of REGRETS.

Things are done and said without looking back, but just because you move on from the past, does not mean you don't think back and regret it.

My regrets: Dating BJ. Dating JB. Not speaking up when i had the chance. Not standing up for myself. Not fighting back. Not being the person i wanted to be.

Looking back, these things were all meant to happen. If they didn't, i wouldn't be the person i am today. And like i have said in the past, I Wouldn't Change Me For Anyone.

I Dare You To Dream

Dreams are alive everywhere we look.
Sitting in class, look at the person sitting next to. That person(believe it or not) has dreams just like you and I do.
Dreams are a common thing to with hold. But the magnificent thing is understanding what those dreams are.
Maybe the person sitting next to has the same dreams as you. You'll never know unless you ask(even though that might be an awkward question).
Without dreams there would be nothing in life to look forward to.
With out dreams there would be nothing to push yourself to.
Dreams are there so that you can push yourself and accomplish goals.
Dreams are there for you. And only you!

"Who are you to judge the life I live?
I know Im not perfect, and i dont plan to be.
But before you start pointing fingers, make sure your hands are clean."
~Bob Marley.

That quote, only a few lines long, sums up my whole life at the moment.
I dont know if this is just me but this quote sums up my whole life more and more the more i live my life. I cant help but think that people can be heartless, but they can and that makes literally cry.

But the MORE someone puts me down, the MORE someone makes me cry, the MORE someone makes me feel worthless, the StRONGER I am as a person.

So thank you Heartless people for being so cruel and SHAPING the person I have become because i wouldnt trade me for anyone

Fav. Song 2: Dance Alone!

It's been a really really messed up week
Seven days of torture, seven days of bitter
And my girlfriend went and cheated on me
She's a California dime but it's time for me to quit her

La la la, whatever, la la la, it doesn't matter, la la la, oh well, la la la

We're going at it tonight tonight
There's a party on the rooftop top of the world
Tonight tonight and were dancing on the edge of the Hollywood sign
I don't know if I'll make it but watch how good I'll fake it
Its all right, all right, tonight, tonight

I woke up with a strange tattoo
Not sure how I got it, not a dollar in my pocket
And it kinda looks just like you
Mixed with Zach Galifianakis

La la la, whatever, la la la, it doesn't matter, la la la, oh well, la la la

We're going at it tonight tonight
There's a party on the rooftop top of the world
Tonight tonight and were dancing on the edge of the Hollywood sign
I don't know if I'll make it but watch how good I'll fake it
Its all right, all right, tonight, tonight

You got me singing like
Woah, come on, ohh, it doesn't matter, woah, everybody now, ohh

Just don't stop let's keep the beat pumpin'
Keep the beat up, lets drop the beat down
It's my party dance if I want to
We can get crazy let it all out

Just don't stop let's keep the beat pumpin'

[ From: http://www.metrolyrics.com/tonight-tonight-lyrics-hot-chelle-rae.html ]

Keep the beat up, lets drop the beat down
It's my party dance if I want to
We can get crazy let it all out

Its you and me and were runnin this town
And its me and you and were shakin the ground
And ain't nobody gonna tell us to go cause this is our show

Everybody
Woah, come on, ohh, all you animals
Woah, let me hear you now, ohh

Tonight tonight there's a party on the rooftop top of the world
Tonight tonight and were dancing on the edge of the Hollywood sign
I don't know if I'll make it but watch how good I'll fake it
Its all right, all right, tonight, tonight
Its all right, all right, tonight, tonight
Yeah its all right, all right, tonight, tonight

Just singing like
Woah, come on, ohh, all you party people
Woah, all you singletons, ohh, even the white kids

Just don't stop lets keep the beat pumpin'
Keep the beat up, lets drop the beat down
Its my party dance if I want to
We can get crazy let it all out

Just don't stop lets keep the beat pumpin'
Keep the beat up, lets drop the beat down
Its my party dance if I want to
We can get crazy let it all out

I like....

Im not sure why im like this or even why im so afraid to admit the things that are obvious to the naked eye. But i am.

I like you. And i hope that our relationship will grow like you have insisted it will.

The thing is, I hav a wall up from everything that has happened in the past. Im also afraid to tell you the things that shape and define the way I live my life.

Can I just be open with you?
Is that to much to ask?
 Can you be open with me too?

Dear What Once Was

I was so happy with you yet so blind to see what you were doing to me. You changed me to a person I didnt want to be.  And now im stuck with the realization that i can never be the same again. Everything you put me through has struck me like lightning.

Please stay out of my life so I dont have to have a constent reminder of what was.

I loved you, and you will always be apart of my heart. But the way i was treated and the way things ended.

You say you loved me when all you wanted was my body and the image of having a cute girlfriend.

Please get out of my life and never come back.

?Life?

I’m not the person I want me to be. I’m not the person I think that I am. I’m not.

I’m the girl hidden behind a fake smile. You think you know the real me but really you don’t know a thing. On the outside, I seem happy but when you take a look on the inside, I’m full of fear for what’s in store for me. Death? Sickness? Hatred? When I look at the world that’s all I see but I don’t think that’s all there is. Love? Life? Happiness? You decide where your life will take you.

So are you the person you want to be? Are you the person you think that you are? Are You?

 

That 12 year old child...

Why is it that, as a child and manners were breathing down my neck, i got in trouble more then a child who is brought up with no manners does?
This makes no sense.

Growing up in my grandparents house could be rough. They always expect you to know your manners and if you didn't know them, you were taught them. It was simple yet so hard.

But now-a-days this concept is overshot by guilt and emotion. Kids don't know their manners like I was taught and that kills me for I am still a kid myself and cant help teach it to them.

Emotion is overbearing at times. I understand this but that doesn't mean you can raise a child to have no manners and no respect.

He is 12 now. Perhaps to old to help. I dont think so. Respect can be taught along with manners at any age. The older the person gets, the rougher it gets to teach them.

I feel guilt for this 12 year old child who has no home and no respect for those who help him. I, however, don't blame him for this. It is his parents fault. They brought him up without respect. And now he has no real home and sleeps where ever his mother and him can.

I took having a home for granted. I am thankful for this and every other luxury I have.
A 12 year old boy with no home, no manners, and no respect taught me this.
Thank you...

The Holidays.

The Holidays.
To me, the holidays are supposed to be about spending time with your loved ones. Especially Easter, Christmas, and Thanksgiving. But how are you supposed to enjow the time with family when everyone is drinking and just being plain rude to you? To this question, I do not know the awsner to. However, I wish i did.
This Easter all anyone is doing is being rude. My mother is drinking(and now drunk) and then my aunt and sister should hook up cause' they would be an absolutly cute, rude couple who could team up against me. I just wish holidays were like they were when i was younger.

~Sincerely, Keirstyn.

Fav. Song 1: Very Inspiring

Tell me what I did
To push you off the cliff
You can try to take my hand
But I’m not coming with you

Say what you like
Just look me in the eye
You can pull out your knife
It’s not as sharp as mine

Oh, Sticks and stones
Are never gonna break me
Never gonna hurt me
Never gonna shake me out
I’m a rock at the top
Never breaking
Try what you want
But you’re never gonna take me
Down, down, down
Try, try but you’re never gonna take me
Down, down, down
Give it up
You should know by now

I don’t want protection
If it’s with conditions
Took a new direction
Losing all conviction

Say what you like
Just look me in the eye
You can pull out your knife
It’s not as sharp as mine

Oh, Sticks and stones
Are never gonna break me
Never gonna hurt me
Never gonna shake me out
I’m a rock at the top
Never breaking
Try what you want
But you're never gonna take me
Down, down, down
Try, try but you’re never gonna take me
Down, down, down
Give it up
You should know by now

Don’t you play the fool
I know you want revenge
There’s no use pretending
I know what you did

Oh, Sticks and stones
Are never gonna break me
Never gonna hurt me
Never gonna shake me out
I’m a rock at the top
Never breaking
Try what you want
But you’re never gonna take me
Down, down, down
Try, try but you’re never gonna take me
Down, down, down
Give it up
You should know by now

Sticks and stones
Are never gonna break me
Never gonna hurt me
Never gonna shake me out
I’m a rock at the top
Never breaking
Try what you want
But you’re never gonna take me
Down, down, down
Try, try but you’re never gonna take me
Down, down, down
Give it up
You should know by now

Give it up
You should know by now
Hey
Hey

Sticks and Stones
Sticks and Stones
Sticks and Stones
Sticks and Stones

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RwMjCY_l5e0 

My Life Update 1

So, over the past few days, my homeless aunt and cousin hav been staying with us. They left today and to start some drama they called my sister(who doesnt live with me) and told her that my mom kicked her out. Thats not true. If my mom offered my aunt to stay longer, she would hav never left. I feel bad because they hav no where else to go, but thats not my fault.
Other then my family drama, i went to the grocery store today and picked up some healthy mush foods for when i get my wisdom teeth out on Wednesday. I kno that sounds gross but im looking forward to eating them. I got a ton of yogurts, apple sauce, ice cream, and cottage cheese(I dont kno why I like it but I do[dont judge]).
I hate when my sister comes over to visit with my mom. She looks at me like im the devil when im the one who got hurt. It sucks but its her loss, mainly because im not gunna be there for her in the future. Every time she comes over she starts talking bout Jacob(my dumb ass ex). i dont want to hear about him and she knos it. She is such a dumb bitch. At least i dont hav to deal with her on a daily basis any more.

Life..

Life; where do i start. Life was so simple for me 10 years ago, I woke up and went to school and then came home. That was the simple routine  that I followed and I didnt mind that it didnt change much. But now i find myself thinking that i wish everything would change. I think that life sucks and its to stress full.
I know that compared to other kids, my life seems like a peice of cake. The thing is my life is a lot harder then I let it on to be. Yes, i live in a nice house. Yes, I have clothes on my back and a lot more in my closet. I hav luxuries and I am thankful for that but a normal kid isnt afraid of getting cancer. A normal kids isnt waking up and having random pains or thinking horrible things.
I MISS my simple lifestyle and the way i was so contempt with it. Its nice to think back and remember those days sitting on the floor playing Legos or pretending my bike was a car and driving around my back yard.

That was the life!